First published in Time Out Sydney 27 February 2014

Dear the Internet,

The Guardian recently published an interactive map showing how one’s life expectancy changes depending on where in the world one lives. It’s a fascinating tool unambiguously showing that people in big cities tend to live significantly longer than those in rural and remote deathtraps.

Come for the stress, stay for the not being a hellhole in the middle of a bone-dry mountain range!

However, looking at our wide brown land that’s girt so controversially by sea, it’s notable that those who live in Sydney apparently die six weeks earlier than the national average.

It’s hardly a surprise, of course: life in our biggest and most exciting/stressful city is a rollercoaster of pluses and minuses. To illustrate this, I’ve elucidated the elements that extend and diminish life for Sydney residents, alongside those of our nation’s secondary Sydney: Melbourne.

So which city is better? One thing is clear: they both shit all over Blinman.

Seriously. You ever been to the Flinders Ranges? The town’s a goddamn hellhole.

Yours ever,

APS